Some Must Have’s for First Time Desi Parents

In the past almost 6 years, a lot of my friends have had a baby or two, very few have had 3 like us. Two of my closest friends are having babies this coming May.  Needless to say I am very excited and happy for both couples.  After talking with both mommies-to-be on separate occasions, I decided to share my opinions about some of the stuff desi parents should either register for or buy that will be useful during the first several months following the birth of your child. 

Being desi, we have a weird mentality where we hesitate to register for things unlike most of our peers do. This is the first and biggest mistake we can make, but naturally we learn with time that it’s a hassle to return the unwanted gifts we get stuck with because we didn’t register. There are things you want for your baby, and believe it or not, there are friends that want to buy you gifts that you will use. Although there is no guarantee that everyone will buy gifts from the registry, if you register and let people know, you at least can hope people will shop from the registry. Babies R Us, Amazon.com, buybuybaby.com, and Diapers.com, are all wonderful places to register with, and the registry can be done in the comfort of your home!

With that being said, the most important thing to purchase is an infant car seat and stroller. You can’t take the baby home from the hospital without a car seat. My recommendation is to get a travel system only because it makes it easier to simply snap the car seat out of its base in the car and snap it into the stroller. All three of our girls used a Maxi-Cosi car seat. With the oldest we used it with a Quinny stroller, and later on ended up buying a double stroller which I absolutely hated!  Our youngest is almost 2 years old, and at that time, we decided to buy the travel system where the car seat held a baby weighing up to 35 pounds. Rear facing is the safest position for your child. Babies tend to grow out of their car seats rather fast so keep this in mind when registering for (or buying) a travel system. Most infant car seats will accommodate a baby weighing 22-25 lbs. Another thing to consider is that you don’t want to buy a car seat that is very heavy; sure the first month or so it’s ok, but adding 10-15 pounds to an already heavy car seat is NOT fun.

The one travel system I absolutely recommend, is the Britax B-Ready. The car seat of my choice would be the B-Safe car seat. Although this travel system is intended for infants, so if you do decide to go with this one, be prepared to buy a convertible car seat (but keep it rear facing!) if you have a big baby. The term Irish Twins should be re-considered; the new term should be Desi Twins. I know several desi families (myself included) where two children (some even more) are between 10 and 18 months apart. Keeping this in mind, the Britax B-Ready, as the name implies, is one stroller that will have you ready to accommodate Irish or Desi Twins. It is a little pricey, but in the long run will be cheaper than having to buy a double stroller if need be.

Another great option is the Graco Click Connect series. The car seats accommodate children weighing up to 35 pounds. The stroller accommodates children weighing up to 50 pounds, making it a worthwhile purchase. The newest car seat Graco has in the market can accommodate a baby weighing up to 40 lbs. It is a SnugRide Click Connect 40. All the click connect car seats are supposed to fit the Click Connect strollers. Though this particular car seat more than likely will be able to accommodate your baby until he/she is 2, it is a very heavy car seat, weighing slightly more than 23 lbs. 

Another absolute must have is a swing. There are several reasons to get a swing for your child. Each of our child used a swing. The swing will keep your child entertained and might even rock him/her to sleep while mommy and/or daddy do other household chores. We used a Fisher-Price Cradle Swings for all three kids. It comes with an AC power adapter so you don’t have to worry about batteries. There is a mobile attached and it plays music and the lights light up (in most). These are big but very comfy. The seat covers come off so you can wash them easily.

Being a Desi, I don’t recommend buying a crib right away (unless you have one that will be 10-18 months old when the next baby arrives, in which case, YOU NEED A CRIB). I know that probably sounds horrible, but truth be told, most desi’s are better off investing in a co-sleeper at first. Pack & Play’s just are not comfortable; our third despised it and we ended up returning two. The Arm’s Reach Ideal Co-Sleeper Bassinet is the one I recommend using. If you will be sharing the bed with your baby, then be sure to purchase a Snuggle Nest by Baby Delight. This is what we used with our first born and believe it or not, she was my only child (so far) that slept 8 – 10 hours through the night by the time she was 1 month old. Cribs are wonderful, personally, I didn’t use the crib until my children were older. Depending on how much space you have and what your budget is like, if you will be investing in a crib, my only recommendation is to get a convertible crib so you may be able to utilize it in the future.

Another must-have item is receiving blankets. The better your baby is wrapped, the more secure he/she will feel and the longer the child will sleep. The Swaddleplus Wraps by aden + anais are a better receiving blanket to  buy when compared to others. For one thing, these are made from a breathable material (100% muslin) so you don’t run the risk of overheating or discomforting your child. Moreover, these are a generous 44x44 size so you can use them as a stroller or nursing cover too. Another great product along the same line is from the Summer  Infant SwaddleMe line. The baby feels safe and secure thus resulting in sleeping better. Just bear in mind these Swaddling wraps come in different sizes and various materials. These too are washable. We used the SwaddleMe until the baby was 4 or 5 months old.  

If you are a mom on the go, you should consider a baby carrier or sling. By the time your munchkin is 8 or 9 months, and if you are running a quick errand to the post office or pharmacy, getting the child in the stroller or in a cart maybe a hassle. Or if you are like me and plan to travel with an 18 month old and a 7 month old by yourself, taking 1 in the stroller and the baby in a carrier is the smart way to do it. Whether you want a wrap or a carrier, the only brand that I would consider buying is a MobyWrap. The Moby Go Carrier is ideal as it is safe and comfortable, with wide shoulder straps and a side shoulder design allowing the baby’s weight to be distributed evenly. It holds children weighing 15-45 pounds. If you are registering for a carrier, this is one to get!

Another decent investment to make might be on a diaper bag. This is the one accessory that you as the mommy will be sporting for the next year (give or take a little). With our first I did not give it up until I got the Burberry Baby Bag I wanted, but to justify that purchase, I have used it with all 3 of my kids (it’s definitely paid for itself). After our third, my husband bought me a Kate Spade Stevie Baby Bag, and by far it has easily grown to become my favorite. The one in the picture is a different color than mine. The bag is HUGE. It holds a lot  and the bag itself is very light weight. It has a zipper so it closes completely. There are plenty of pockets. Both bags easily double as a diaper bag, and as my own bag. 

If you’ve got a Desi Boy that helps you without you asking, be grateful! Some Desi Boys still believe the women’s place is in the kitchen, and that Desi Girls should do the house work and everything related to the child by themselves. If you’ve got a traditional Desi partner, don’t waste your time or money in getting a Diaper Bag for Daddy. For those women that are blessed with a helpful partner, investing in a diaper bag for Daddy may actually be something for you to consider. Needless to say, my husband has helped a lot with our kids, and still does. On weekends when I have a lot of homework pending, he happily takes the girls to the park, Monkey Joe’s, and/or Chuck-e-Cheese. Although he doesn’t need to pack a complete diaper bag when taking the girls out now (I keep diapers, an extra outfit, and wipes in the car), but it has been something we've used. When we went to Disney World when the older two were 6 months and 17 months old, we packed two diaper bags. That being said, the Fisher-Price Fastfinder Diaper Bag is one to consider purchasing for daddy. It has an insulated bottle pocket, a zippered pocket for pacifiers, a separate compartment for wipes, and best of all, each pocket/compartment has a picture on it so he can easily remember where each item is kept. This bag can be used by mommies too, and might even be a good bag to pack when dropping the baby off at a relative’s house. There are other brands to consider if buying a diaper bag for daddy, such as Diaper Dude, and DadGear, but the cute pictures on this one are what drew me in!

Other items you might want to purchase prior to bringing the baby home may include pacifiers. Sometimes the baby only wants to suckle on something, and pacifiers are great! Our older two used a pacifier, the baby however didn’t want anything to do with it. We used Nuk and Avent Soothie pacifiers. 

If you decide to bottle feed your baby, you will need to buy bottles. Although in the beginning depending on which formula you use, you can buy 2 oz. Nursettes of ready to feed formula. These are wonderful for the first month or so, but by then the baby will most likely require more milk than 2 oz. per feeding. Of the different bottles we’ve used, I liked the Tommee tippee the best, and my second preference would be the Avent bottles. If you will be using bottles, you can consider purchasing ready to feed formulas, they come in 2, 6, and 8 oz. or you can purchase powdered formula, and a formula dispenser to keep in your bag for when going out.

If you will be nursing your baby, do invest in a good pump. You will want one that is reliable and can be used daily. The things to consider will be durability and portability; Madela Electric Pumps are the most popular. If you decide to nurse, you will definitely want a nursing pillow and may even consider a nursing cover. A Boppy pillow is a good pillow to buy, because it is versatile and has many uses. Besides being a nursing pillow, it has many uses such as helping to prop the baby up, aiding in tummy time, and at 6 or 8 months, can help your baby in sitting up. The covers come off and are washable. You can also buy different covers if you want too. There are several kinds of Boppy's to choose from. We had the basic one seen in the picture. 

Some other things which you will need are lots of onesies, burping cloths, and bibs. Try to keep your child in light layers, and onesies are one thing we used a lot of. Teething toys, baby food, and utensils normally don’t come into play until the baby is 4 to 6 months old. A high chair is nice to have, but again won't be used until the baby is 4 to 6 months old. Diapers, wipes, baby shampoo and lotions should be bought of your preference and depending on your child's needs. Some people like Diaper Pails, though we had a Diaper Genie, the pail has to be emptied, and at times there were diapers that were 2 days old. We stopped using it. We prefer to dispose used diapers in a bag tightly closed and toss it in the garbage. We take our garbage out daily, so the dirty diapers get thrown out with the regular trash daily. 

Babies are simply wonderful! Sure life changes dramatically after each child, but the joys a baby brings with it are irreplaceable. The first smile, the coo's and caa's, the baby smell are all amazing! As I sign off, my mind runs through the several memories I have of my munchkins and when they were small enough to hold and snuggle… but for now, 3 little princesses are all this Desi Girl can handle. 

How to lose weight for the common Desi!

Since the beginning of this year I have been able to lose a little bit of weight. What a lot of people don’t understand about losing weight is that

1)   You can lose weight so that it finds you back

2)   You can lose weight so it never comes back

So many times I hear people boasting about losing “X” amount of weight, and normally when I ask them how they are doing it, it’s surprising (at least to me it is) how many people do drastic things or crash diets. I suppose people don’t understand that it has to be a lifestyle change if you want the weight to never come back. The biggest drawback of a temporary fix is that once you start eating what you consider normal, the weight comes back, sometimes twice what you lost!

After having our third daughter, it’s been a constant struggle to lose the weight; it kept finding me back because I wasn’t losing it the right way (duh!). I wasn’t willing to make it a lifestyle change. 4 and a half years ago, after our second child, I was able to lose 45 lbs. successfully and it was because I transformed my perception of what I considered normal to eat. After having our third munchkin, the mind-set changed because I let it change.

Now that I am back to changing my mind set, I am quite pleased with where I am. Making weight loss permanent isn’t too hard, it just means changing a few things here and there. Small changes can go a long way! If you are going to follow a specific plan, STICK TO IT! There are diets out there that work. The weight you lose can be gone permanently as long as you follow the plan and make the changes permanent.

        One of the extreme diets I’ve been on has taught me to look at food differently. It took about 60 days for my body to get adjusted to eating significantly less. Eating less is a key to success in losing weight. A lot of times, it may appear we are eating less, but what we are eating might not be the best thing to have. Here are some pointers for successfully losing weight.

Keep track of what you eat. In today’s technologically advanced world, using the free app– myfitnesspal.com (or you can signing up through their website if you don’t have a smart phone), you can easily keep track of what you consume daily. You can set goals for daily calorie consumption. Best of all, you aren’t simply counting calories, you get a break down of your carbs, fats, and proteins too. With Myfitnesspal.com you can track your weight, see how many calories you burn in a workout. It’s the Facebook equivalent for people wanting to lose weight. 

Snack wisely! Add more fruits and vegetables to your diet and one of the best ways to do it is by snacking on them. Have an apple with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter, and see how filling it is. Tangerines, grapes, baby carrots, and celery are wonderful to snack on. 

 Drink water. I’ve heard that drinking half your weight in ounces is the daily recommendation for your water consumption. While we’ve all heard 8-10 servings of 8 oz. daily, I try to drink 100 oz. Did you know sometimes when we are thirsty our body interprets it as hunger? So the next time when you think you are hungry grab a glass of water first and see if that helps.

 
Be active. It simply cannot be denied that working out is very helpful in losing weight. There are so many ways of being active that it’s amazing. Aside from going to the gym to workout, workouts can now easily be done at home. Mix up your workout routine. If you aren’t a runner, Google the C25K (couch to 5k) program. It’s a wonderful program that will bring the runner in you out. If you have a game console such as Wii or Xbox, you can buy games such as Just Dance and Zumba to help you move a little more. I am a big fan of Bob Harper and in addition to my Zumba and Just Dance routines, I mix up my workouts with Bob’s Yoga for the Warrior and Inside out method Pure Burn Super Strength workouts. I’ve tried Insanity, but since I’m on a very low calorie diet, I am leaving Insanity out for now. If you don’t want to invest in a workout DVD, YouTube has Jillian Michaels, Bob Harper (trainers on The Biggest Loser), and Tracey Mallett workouts that you can use.  Keep in mind, burning off calories will help you lose weight and help you look good too.


  Go ahead and cheat, unless you are on the hCG (then wait till end of the cycle)! Cheat days are essential. They help us limit our cravings and help keep our metabolism on track. There are different plans that allow different cheats. Just don’t go overboard with the cheat day. A cheat day shouldn’t translate to a cheat weekend! And in the event that it does, be sure to work off some of those extra calories.



Be smart about what you’re diet includes. Although most would agree that having a low carb, low fat, and high lean protein diet is the way to go. Don’t fill your diet with foods that taste disgusting (like Fiber One Cereal). Also, this doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t enjoy the foods you eat regularly. We desis are big on bread and rice. I only buy whole wheat flour to make rottis (tortilla like flat bread) even though I don’t eat them. On the rare occasions that I do have paratay (flat bread made using oil) with my husband and kids, I use Pam cooking spray (or the Publix brand) instead of oil or ghee.  

 

Cut back on the extra calories. Most desis indulge on chai several times throughout the day. If you’re like me, it’s most likely a dhood-paati version (where the ratio of water to milk is 1:1) and of course we use whole milk only. (Oh so that’s where all the extra calories are coming from…) Cut back on the fat, already! Whole milk is recommended for CHILDREN! Use low-fat or skim milk. Or be like me, and have green tea with lemon instead of chai, and drink your coffee black without the sugar! 

Chicken tikka anyone? Who doesn’t love spicy grilled chicken? We all do. But why marinade it in yogurt? Why brush it with oil constantly? Marinate your tikka using vinegar and/or lemon juice to cut back on calories. Use cooking spray instead of oil. It will still taste yummy, and have less calories.  
Be daring, try new things! You will be surprised at how yummy Almond Milk tastes with cereal. There are wonderful recipes out there for using cauliflower to make “mashed potatoes”, and even a “pizza crust.” It’s a healthier version with less carbs, fat, and calories. Did you know you can make pancakes using eggs and bananas? Try out new things, you never know what you end up liking!
 

Have a support system! You need a good group of buddies, not just for accountability but someone that can understand you and is facing issues similar to the ones you are. 4 years ago, I met a wonderful group of ladies through the wte (What to expect when you’re expecting) website. I was very passionate about losing weight and the health and fitness forum was a new addition. Needless to say the challenges were amazing, but what was better was the bond we formed. Although I have only met one of the girls in real life, they are the girls I turn to, I can trust, I rely on, and yes, they are truly my BFF’s! They are the first ones I turn to in good times and bad. The girls in my group are all inspirational and they are the ones that keep me on my toes! Love my Savage Girls! I am able to lose the weight because they constantly encourage me and have helped this Desi Girl to be SAVAGE material!

Desi Kids & Broken Bones

       

 

Growing up, I don’t remember having broken bones or being in a cast. I also don’t recall my brother or sister ever being in a cast, in fact, I can’t even remember any of my cousins having a broken bone, ever. It appears however that now days, kids with broken bones are more common.

This past week, my 5 year old was playing in her room (which mind you is carpeted) with her 4 year old sister when I heard her crying as though she was in intense pain. It’s a very normal and common cry in our house, sometimes, more often than not, it’s over a toy that the two sisters are fighting over. On very rare occasions the girls cry because they have been hurt.

As I set foot in my last 6 weeks of being an undergrad, my first born will be spending the next 6 weeks in a cast. Sure enough, we’ve had a number of family and friends come over to see how she is feeling. It’s a very typical desi thing to do. We got cupcakes, flowers, cake, donuts, balloons, and toys as get well soon gifts. Lots of hugs and kisses were received and a lot of parenting tips came in as well.

Almost everyone advised we need to feed our average-on-all-scales-child more. She was born weighing 6 pounds, and has always been in the 50-55^th percentile for her weight. According to her height, she’s perfectly normal. She’s a very picky eater and had milk allergies as a baby, but being consistently persistent in building up her tolerance for dairy, thank goodness, she now enjoys all dairy products without any side effects. She eats everything, and sure there are certain things she doesn’t like, but she still tries them.

It’s pretty common for all desis to give advice on how and what to feed your kid. Most desis tend to overfeed their kids, which sure looks cute when you’ve got a small baby, but can give your child some serious health issues. As it is, foods cooked in our part of the world are not the healthiest. For some reason, the whole, feeding them fattening things until they’re 8 just doesn’t sit well with me. All I know is that having healthy active children translates into healthy active adults, whereas having obese children leads to adults with health and psychological issues. 

I had a lot people telling me, including my father, that maybe she has a calcium deficiency. Well, for one thing, children that have calcium deficiencies tend to break their bones a lot, in 5 years this is the first broken bone she has had. Unfortunately, osteoporosis is not uncommon in children. There are children that have low bone densities. Not getting enough calcium leads to bones being weak, making them more susceptible of being broken. Vitamin D is also very important as it helps the body absorb calcium.

A general rule is to set a regime for feeding your kids when they are still babies. We fed our kids a little bit of everything that we ate by the time they were 9 months old. Some people want to follow the rules, but really who made these rules? Your kids are going to eat what you do, so set a good example for them.

Milk and water should be the first choices of drinks for kids. In our house we avoid juice and soda. Even though some juices have calcium and vitamin D added, there’s still too much sugar in them. Despite what many say or think, 3 servings of dairy a day is recommended not just for kids but also for adults. Our kids consume yogurt and cheese too throughout the day, as well as 2 servings of milk.

The Times of India recently published an article which included a list of foods that should be included in the diets of those children that are impulsive, hyperactive, and have short attention spans. The list consisted of the following:

·         Milk – magnesium is found in milk and has a calming effect

·         Nuts – rich in omega-3 fatty acids also have a calming effect

·         Fruits containing vitamin C – Oranges, strawberries, blueberries all contain healthy antioxidants and aid in prevention of cortisol which is commonly known as the stress hormone. These fruits are also good in calming kids.

·         Leafy Greens – Veggies such as broccoli and spinach are rich in vitamin B which helps to reduce stress

·         Bananas – rich in potassium which helps to relax the muscles, this fruit is also rich in protein which if consumed throughout the day helps to evenly sustain your energy.

    Not that I am a pro or a wonderful mom, but I certainly don’t starve my kids. I think all moms are wonderful and for the most part, most if not all parents only truly want what is best for their child. Desis tend to think if a child is “thin” they may be malnourished, whereas the truth of the matter lies in the fact that if your child is growing and gaining weight (out growing their shoes, and clothes) you as a parent must be doing something right. I cringe a little every time I am told I need to feed my child a little more, or that I should feed them X-Y-and Z to get them to be “fuller.” Trust me, no one other than the mom and dad worries about feeding their kid, because we the parent are the ones that are feeding them 24/7.

It is very important to note, injuries and accidents aren’t the parents fault, ever (ok well, most of the times). I felt guilty for a few days thinking I must be a failure as a parent to have let this happened to my child. I’ve got an Aunty though, a special Aunty that isn’t your typical Desi Aunty, and she tends to know how to get my head out of my rear end at times. She told me how the broken arm is not my fault, and that this particular break isn’t because my daughter is a picky eater, it happened because she fell while she was playing. Interesting enough, falls are the leading cause of injury in children that result in a visit to the Emergency Room. In 2009 more than 2.8 million visits to the ER were resulted because of a fall (http://www.cdc.gov/safechild/NAP/background.html).

On a very last note, thank you to those that did have advice to give, I know you meant well. Although it made me feel like I might have failed as a parent, I know you care about my child’s well-being. A special thanks to those friends that recommended things that are actually helpful and will help her heal quicker. She’s getting turmeric added to her milk at bedtime without fail. We are also expecting to receive the Hyland’s Calcarea Phosphorica 6X in the mail this week to help her with the healing. For now, this Desi Girl is busy tending to the needs of her 5 year old while striving to do the best in school too.