Murphy strikes inevitably

The semester is about to come to an end, and I still can’t believe I am actually almost (keeping my fingers crossed) done with my bachelor’s. Like most desis, I too am very superstitious. Several years ago, while in Pakistan, I saw a palmist, who many people claim is indeed gifted and never wrong. I remember him distinctly telling me that it will be close to impossible to finish my bachelor’s but that if I am able to, (and let me just add, according to him not only am I incredibly lucky, but that I have god’s luck on my side; he mentioned something about there being two types of luck and I am one of those rare people that has both lucks on my side) anyways, he predicted that my bachelor’s degree would be the first step towards achieving greater heights in life.

Up until this point, everything he has told us and predicted has been dead on! He told my husband that he’s going to travel overseas sometime when he is 27 or 28 and surly that was dead on. He also told my husband he will be working in the marketing field but should try to change his line of work to something that is more hands on. He said we’d have 3 kids, and though we’ve always wanted 4, I think right now the husband and I are very happy with our 3.

There have been several hurdles in my path to completing my Bachelor’s. My first semester as a junior at FAU I was married. I tried to come back after 1 year, but having my husband so far away and the death of my Grandfather all held me back, so I threw in the towel and went back to Pakistan. Shortly thereafter we moved to Florida from Pakistan and had 2 kids back to back. I struggled against all odds and told my husband how badly I wanted to finish school and as always, he was super-duper supportive. Finally I decided to make a comeback after almost 5 years. My first semester back was awesome and I was able to get admitted in the Online BBA program and was to start in the Fall semester. I was all set and registered for the locked down accounting program, and that was when Murphy hit hard.  

Having a horrible pregnancy, I spent more time in the hospital from constantly being dehydrated and suffering from migraines. I had to medically withdraw from my classes. Withdrawing was not pushing me back simply 1 semester, it was pushing me behind 1 whole year! I mustered up the courage to go back the very next semester after deciding that a bachelor’s was most important, thus changing my major from accounting to management. In the spring 2012 semester I gave a final at 4 am and delivered a baby at 9 am on the same day. I took the summer semester off and decided to pick up the pace during the fall semester.

After more issues kept propping up, I decided on declaring a second major in marketing and a minor in Business Law. FAU offered some classes and didn’t offer other classes; there were pre-requisites that needed to be met, basically Murphy kept striking and I kept pushing through!  By the way, for any and all that are in the Management program at FAU, it is best to be a double major, you need the extra classes in order to graduate.

Somehow, and I seriously don’t know how, but somehow, I made it to this final semester. Surly, Murphy has been up to no good. My daughter broke her arm and I thought that would be the hardest I was going to get hit before graduation, but nope, Murphy isn’t playing around; anything that can go wrong, WILL GO WRONG!

With that being said, as though the pressure of graduating isn’t enough, my mom fell sick. She’s normally a very healthy person. She’s isn’t a typical grandmother to my kids, she is very active. She’s helped out a lot throughout the past several semesters, when she is here that is. It started out as what she thought was either gasses or muscular pain. The pain not ending convinced her to get an EKG which landed her in the hospital. Not too long afterwards, she went through an angiography which showed the cause of the pain in her chest was indeed the result of an artery being 90% blocked! The docs put in a stent, and now she’s back home thank goodness.

Desis will all agree, Desi Moms are simply the best! They will put up with anything and everything just to see their kids smile. Being scared she might miss my graduation she didn’t want to go for the angiography, buy once we were able to convince her otherwise, she wanted to get it done with ASAP so she could take part in my daughter’s birthday party that we’ve been planning.

So here we are, about 2 weeks left in school as an undergrad, and I am ready to face whatever else Murphy has in store for me. Would it be bad to admit that up until now, I think I simply have been winging it? When someone asks me “How do you do it?” Trust me, I am not lying, nor trying to be humble when I respond “I don’t know.” All I do know though, is there are certain things I have learned, and perhaps the most I learned was in this last semester.

Though this might be the last blog post that will be graded, this Desi Girl will keep the blog up and alive. This might be my last few weeks as an undergrad, this Desi Girl is more ready now than ever before to do more with life, and refuses to think this is the where the road ends for school; this is just the last step in the first staircase of many more to come. Thank you all so very much for reading! Desi Girl will be back soon with lots more interesting details to share!

Baby Shower – The Desi Way

      

A baby shower can be so many things to people from different parts of the world, yet the underlying theme is always the same – showering the Parents-to-be with love and gifts. The history of celebrating and welcoming a new family member goes back a long way.

    

The ancient Egyptians and Greeks celebrated the birth of a child after it is born. During the Middle-Ages, silver spoons were presented to the newborns from his/her godparents. The Renaissance era emphasized the family; expectant mothers were celebrated and presented with gifts and food on painted trays adorned with messages. In the Victorian Era, pregnancies were kept secretive, and other women would host Tea Parties postpartum. It wasn’t until the early 20^th century that modern version baby showers came about.  

     

For Desis, the baby shower is often referred to as a “Godh Barahee” ritual (which literally translates into filling the lap). The families and friends of the parents-to-be celebrate by bestowing blessings on the baby and the mother.

      

This past weekend, I went to my best friend’s baby shower. Everything about the event was simply fabulous. The theme of the baby shower was Paris. In its entirety, the baby shower, from the décor to the food, and the added desi ritual up to the games were simply amazing.

       

 Since my best friend’s husband had a flight to catch, the baby shower started with a quick and entertaining game timing the couple as they each changed a baby’s diaper and swaddled it. Surely, the mommy-to-be won by a whopping 8 seconds!

        

As the guests continued to arrive, everyone was mingling. Then the ceremony began. The lap of the mother-to-be was filled with 7 different fruits and vegetables. Back home since the gender of the baby is normally not revealed, a game is played whereby the expectant mother pulls out 1 of the fruits and/or vegetables that her lap is filled with, without seeing it. The gender of the fruit/vegetable pulled determines the gender of the upcoming baby. Although it isn’t accurate, it’s a fun game that everyone enjoys. Another reason behind filling the lap is imply that the mother’s lap remain “filled” with children. Yet some believe it is a way of blessing the child, that may he or she live a long fruitful life.

After the lap filling, the expectant mother is fed sweets. Further everyone raises their hands in praying that may god bless the mother and child and pray for their wellbeing.  

Shortly thereafter everyone was invited to help themselves to the wonderful buffet that was set up. There were lots of things to choose from. Although there are no real specifics about what should be served at a baby shower/godh barahi.  My friends mom’s made Haleem which is a meal in itself! It’s a unique stew – combination of lentils, wheat, barley and meat. Generally however, because this event is held in the late afternoons, desi snacks (veggie dips, samosas, rolls, sandwiches, chat, and fresh fruit type of things) along with cake and drinks could also be served.

Speaking of drinks, the girls involved in hosting the baby shower made this amazing drink that I simply could not get enough of. I had to resist though because it was made using soda, and juices. Not only did it taste good, it went beautifully with the theme. 

The games were played next. The first game had all the guests place a paper plate on their head and draw a picture of baby, the person with the best drawn picture won a prize! The next game, was by far my favorite game! Guests were given white onesies and fabric markers, and the task was a decorate it for the baby to be. There were several awesome designs made. My favorite was designed by the daddy-to-be’s sister, where wrote in blocky letters, “My Phupo (Dad’s Sister) is the BEST.” However the winner was my friend’s mother-in-law who drew the digestive system with a cute, funny, and personalized message.

In the next game we were tasked with making diapers using toilet paper. Ours didn’t hold out too well. The last game that was played consisted of us guessing the diameter of the mommy-to-be’s belly. Somehow, my sister ends up winning this game wherever we go. The very last thing on the agenda was the cutting of the cake. The cake was simply superb! It was made by Sweet Moments Inc, in Sunrise, Florida; you can find more information on them through facebook or their website http://www.sweetmomentsinc.com/. 

        

As times have changed, and the way things are celebrated might have changed as, but the baby shower is still centralized around the idea of celebrating the upcoming birth and the soon to be parents, while showering them with presents and blessings.

      

That’s all for now, but in the coming months, once the ceremonies and rituals are performed for post birth, be rest assured, this Desi Girl will keep you entertained and informed. For now, I need to plan my Daughter’s birthday party, so be on the lookout for that throughout this month as I start the planning, and implementing process. Pinterest and other blogs have such wonderful ideas for me go off of, it seems as though NOTHING is impossible now! 

Some Must Have’s for First Time Desi Parents

In the past almost 6 years, a lot of my friends have had a baby or two, very few have had 3 like us. Two of my closest friends are having babies this coming May.  Needless to say I am very excited and happy for both couples.  After talking with both mommies-to-be on separate occasions, I decided to share my opinions about some of the stuff desi parents should either register for or buy that will be useful during the first several months following the birth of your child. 

Being desi, we have a weird mentality where we hesitate to register for things unlike most of our peers do. This is the first and biggest mistake we can make, but naturally we learn with time that it’s a hassle to return the unwanted gifts we get stuck with because we didn’t register. There are things you want for your baby, and believe it or not, there are friends that want to buy you gifts that you will use. Although there is no guarantee that everyone will buy gifts from the registry, if you register and let people know, you at least can hope people will shop from the registry. Babies R Us, Amazon.com, buybuybaby.com, and Diapers.com, are all wonderful places to register with, and the registry can be done in the comfort of your home!

With that being said, the most important thing to purchase is an infant car seat and stroller. You can’t take the baby home from the hospital without a car seat. My recommendation is to get a travel system only because it makes it easier to simply snap the car seat out of its base in the car and snap it into the stroller. All three of our girls used a Maxi-Cosi car seat. With the oldest we used it with a Quinny stroller, and later on ended up buying a double stroller which I absolutely hated!  Our youngest is almost 2 years old, and at that time, we decided to buy the travel system where the car seat held a baby weighing up to 35 pounds. Rear facing is the safest position for your child. Babies tend to grow out of their car seats rather fast so keep this in mind when registering for (or buying) a travel system. Most infant car seats will accommodate a baby weighing 22-25 lbs. Another thing to consider is that you don’t want to buy a car seat that is very heavy; sure the first month or so it’s ok, but adding 10-15 pounds to an already heavy car seat is NOT fun.

The one travel system I absolutely recommend, is the Britax B-Ready. The car seat of my choice would be the B-Safe car seat. Although this travel system is intended for infants, so if you do decide to go with this one, be prepared to buy a convertible car seat (but keep it rear facing!) if you have a big baby. The term Irish Twins should be re-considered; the new term should be Desi Twins. I know several desi families (myself included) where two children (some even more) are between 10 and 18 months apart. Keeping this in mind, the Britax B-Ready, as the name implies, is one stroller that will have you ready to accommodate Irish or Desi Twins. It is a little pricey, but in the long run will be cheaper than having to buy a double stroller if need be.

Another great option is the Graco Click Connect series. The car seats accommodate children weighing up to 35 pounds. The stroller accommodates children weighing up to 50 pounds, making it a worthwhile purchase. The newest car seat Graco has in the market can accommodate a baby weighing up to 40 lbs. It is a SnugRide Click Connect 40. All the click connect car seats are supposed to fit the Click Connect strollers. Though this particular car seat more than likely will be able to accommodate your baby until he/she is 2, it is a very heavy car seat, weighing slightly more than 23 lbs. 

Another absolute must have is a swing. There are several reasons to get a swing for your child. Each of our child used a swing. The swing will keep your child entertained and might even rock him/her to sleep while mommy and/or daddy do other household chores. We used a Fisher-Price Cradle Swings for all three kids. It comes with an AC power adapter so you don’t have to worry about batteries. There is a mobile attached and it plays music and the lights light up (in most). These are big but very comfy. The seat covers come off so you can wash them easily.

Being a Desi, I don’t recommend buying a crib right away (unless you have one that will be 10-18 months old when the next baby arrives, in which case, YOU NEED A CRIB). I know that probably sounds horrible, but truth be told, most desi’s are better off investing in a co-sleeper at first. Pack & Play’s just are not comfortable; our third despised it and we ended up returning two. The Arm’s Reach Ideal Co-Sleeper Bassinet is the one I recommend using. If you will be sharing the bed with your baby, then be sure to purchase a Snuggle Nest by Baby Delight. This is what we used with our first born and believe it or not, she was my only child (so far) that slept 8 – 10 hours through the night by the time she was 1 month old. Cribs are wonderful, personally, I didn’t use the crib until my children were older. Depending on how much space you have and what your budget is like, if you will be investing in a crib, my only recommendation is to get a convertible crib so you may be able to utilize it in the future.

Another must-have item is receiving blankets. The better your baby is wrapped, the more secure he/she will feel and the longer the child will sleep. The Swaddleplus Wraps by aden + anais are a better receiving blanket to  buy when compared to others. For one thing, these are made from a breathable material (100% muslin) so you don’t run the risk of overheating or discomforting your child. Moreover, these are a generous 44x44 size so you can use them as a stroller or nursing cover too. Another great product along the same line is from the Summer  Infant SwaddleMe line. The baby feels safe and secure thus resulting in sleeping better. Just bear in mind these Swaddling wraps come in different sizes and various materials. These too are washable. We used the SwaddleMe until the baby was 4 or 5 months old.  

If you are a mom on the go, you should consider a baby carrier or sling. By the time your munchkin is 8 or 9 months, and if you are running a quick errand to the post office or pharmacy, getting the child in the stroller or in a cart maybe a hassle. Or if you are like me and plan to travel with an 18 month old and a 7 month old by yourself, taking 1 in the stroller and the baby in a carrier is the smart way to do it. Whether you want a wrap or a carrier, the only brand that I would consider buying is a MobyWrap. The Moby Go Carrier is ideal as it is safe and comfortable, with wide shoulder straps and a side shoulder design allowing the baby’s weight to be distributed evenly. It holds children weighing 15-45 pounds. If you are registering for a carrier, this is one to get!

Another decent investment to make might be on a diaper bag. This is the one accessory that you as the mommy will be sporting for the next year (give or take a little). With our first I did not give it up until I got the Burberry Baby Bag I wanted, but to justify that purchase, I have used it with all 3 of my kids (it’s definitely paid for itself). After our third, my husband bought me a Kate Spade Stevie Baby Bag, and by far it has easily grown to become my favorite. The one in the picture is a different color than mine. The bag is HUGE. It holds a lot  and the bag itself is very light weight. It has a zipper so it closes completely. There are plenty of pockets. Both bags easily double as a diaper bag, and as my own bag. 

If you’ve got a Desi Boy that helps you without you asking, be grateful! Some Desi Boys still believe the women’s place is in the kitchen, and that Desi Girls should do the house work and everything related to the child by themselves. If you’ve got a traditional Desi partner, don’t waste your time or money in getting a Diaper Bag for Daddy. For those women that are blessed with a helpful partner, investing in a diaper bag for Daddy may actually be something for you to consider. Needless to say, my husband has helped a lot with our kids, and still does. On weekends when I have a lot of homework pending, he happily takes the girls to the park, Monkey Joe’s, and/or Chuck-e-Cheese. Although he doesn’t need to pack a complete diaper bag when taking the girls out now (I keep diapers, an extra outfit, and wipes in the car), but it has been something we've used. When we went to Disney World when the older two were 6 months and 17 months old, we packed two diaper bags. That being said, the Fisher-Price Fastfinder Diaper Bag is one to consider purchasing for daddy. It has an insulated bottle pocket, a zippered pocket for pacifiers, a separate compartment for wipes, and best of all, each pocket/compartment has a picture on it so he can easily remember where each item is kept. This bag can be used by mommies too, and might even be a good bag to pack when dropping the baby off at a relative’s house. There are other brands to consider if buying a diaper bag for daddy, such as Diaper Dude, and DadGear, but the cute pictures on this one are what drew me in!

Other items you might want to purchase prior to bringing the baby home may include pacifiers. Sometimes the baby only wants to suckle on something, and pacifiers are great! Our older two used a pacifier, the baby however didn’t want anything to do with it. We used Nuk and Avent Soothie pacifiers. 

If you decide to bottle feed your baby, you will need to buy bottles. Although in the beginning depending on which formula you use, you can buy 2 oz. Nursettes of ready to feed formula. These are wonderful for the first month or so, but by then the baby will most likely require more milk than 2 oz. per feeding. Of the different bottles we’ve used, I liked the Tommee tippee the best, and my second preference would be the Avent bottles. If you will be using bottles, you can consider purchasing ready to feed formulas, they come in 2, 6, and 8 oz. or you can purchase powdered formula, and a formula dispenser to keep in your bag for when going out.

If you will be nursing your baby, do invest in a good pump. You will want one that is reliable and can be used daily. The things to consider will be durability and portability; Madela Electric Pumps are the most popular. If you decide to nurse, you will definitely want a nursing pillow and may even consider a nursing cover. A Boppy pillow is a good pillow to buy, because it is versatile and has many uses. Besides being a nursing pillow, it has many uses such as helping to prop the baby up, aiding in tummy time, and at 6 or 8 months, can help your baby in sitting up. The covers come off and are washable. You can also buy different covers if you want too. There are several kinds of Boppy's to choose from. We had the basic one seen in the picture. 

Some other things which you will need are lots of onesies, burping cloths, and bibs. Try to keep your child in light layers, and onesies are one thing we used a lot of. Teething toys, baby food, and utensils normally don’t come into play until the baby is 4 to 6 months old. A high chair is nice to have, but again won't be used until the baby is 4 to 6 months old. Diapers, wipes, baby shampoo and lotions should be bought of your preference and depending on your child's needs. Some people like Diaper Pails, though we had a Diaper Genie, the pail has to be emptied, and at times there were diapers that were 2 days old. We stopped using it. We prefer to dispose used diapers in a bag tightly closed and toss it in the garbage. We take our garbage out daily, so the dirty diapers get thrown out with the regular trash daily. 

Babies are simply wonderful! Sure life changes dramatically after each child, but the joys a baby brings with it are irreplaceable. The first smile, the coo's and caa's, the baby smell are all amazing! As I sign off, my mind runs through the several memories I have of my munchkins and when they were small enough to hold and snuggle… but for now, 3 little princesses are all this Desi Girl can handle. 

How to lose weight for the common Desi!

Since the beginning of this year I have been able to lose a little bit of weight. What a lot of people don’t understand about losing weight is that

1)   You can lose weight so that it finds you back

2)   You can lose weight so it never comes back

So many times I hear people boasting about losing “X” amount of weight, and normally when I ask them how they are doing it, it’s surprising (at least to me it is) how many people do drastic things or crash diets. I suppose people don’t understand that it has to be a lifestyle change if you want the weight to never come back. The biggest drawback of a temporary fix is that once you start eating what you consider normal, the weight comes back, sometimes twice what you lost!

After having our third daughter, it’s been a constant struggle to lose the weight; it kept finding me back because I wasn’t losing it the right way (duh!). I wasn’t willing to make it a lifestyle change. 4 and a half years ago, after our second child, I was able to lose 45 lbs. successfully and it was because I transformed my perception of what I considered normal to eat. After having our third munchkin, the mind-set changed because I let it change.

Now that I am back to changing my mind set, I am quite pleased with where I am. Making weight loss permanent isn’t too hard, it just means changing a few things here and there. Small changes can go a long way! If you are going to follow a specific plan, STICK TO IT! There are diets out there that work. The weight you lose can be gone permanently as long as you follow the plan and make the changes permanent.

        One of the extreme diets I’ve been on has taught me to look at food differently. It took about 60 days for my body to get adjusted to eating significantly less. Eating less is a key to success in losing weight. A lot of times, it may appear we are eating less, but what we are eating might not be the best thing to have. Here are some pointers for successfully losing weight.

Keep track of what you eat. In today’s technologically advanced world, using the free app– myfitnesspal.com (or you can signing up through their website if you don’t have a smart phone), you can easily keep track of what you consume daily. You can set goals for daily calorie consumption. Best of all, you aren’t simply counting calories, you get a break down of your carbs, fats, and proteins too. With Myfitnesspal.com you can track your weight, see how many calories you burn in a workout. It’s the Facebook equivalent for people wanting to lose weight. 

Snack wisely! Add more fruits and vegetables to your diet and one of the best ways to do it is by snacking on them. Have an apple with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter, and see how filling it is. Tangerines, grapes, baby carrots, and celery are wonderful to snack on. 

 Drink water. I’ve heard that drinking half your weight in ounces is the daily recommendation for your water consumption. While we’ve all heard 8-10 servings of 8 oz. daily, I try to drink 100 oz. Did you know sometimes when we are thirsty our body interprets it as hunger? So the next time when you think you are hungry grab a glass of water first and see if that helps.

 
Be active. It simply cannot be denied that working out is very helpful in losing weight. There are so many ways of being active that it’s amazing. Aside from going to the gym to workout, workouts can now easily be done at home. Mix up your workout routine. If you aren’t a runner, Google the C25K (couch to 5k) program. It’s a wonderful program that will bring the runner in you out. If you have a game console such as Wii or Xbox, you can buy games such as Just Dance and Zumba to help you move a little more. I am a big fan of Bob Harper and in addition to my Zumba and Just Dance routines, I mix up my workouts with Bob’s Yoga for the Warrior and Inside out method Pure Burn Super Strength workouts. I’ve tried Insanity, but since I’m on a very low calorie diet, I am leaving Insanity out for now. If you don’t want to invest in a workout DVD, YouTube has Jillian Michaels, Bob Harper (trainers on The Biggest Loser), and Tracey Mallett workouts that you can use.  Keep in mind, burning off calories will help you lose weight and help you look good too.


  Go ahead and cheat, unless you are on the hCG (then wait till end of the cycle)! Cheat days are essential. They help us limit our cravings and help keep our metabolism on track. There are different plans that allow different cheats. Just don’t go overboard with the cheat day. A cheat day shouldn’t translate to a cheat weekend! And in the event that it does, be sure to work off some of those extra calories.



Be smart about what you’re diet includes. Although most would agree that having a low carb, low fat, and high lean protein diet is the way to go. Don’t fill your diet with foods that taste disgusting (like Fiber One Cereal). Also, this doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t enjoy the foods you eat regularly. We desis are big on bread and rice. I only buy whole wheat flour to make rottis (tortilla like flat bread) even though I don’t eat them. On the rare occasions that I do have paratay (flat bread made using oil) with my husband and kids, I use Pam cooking spray (or the Publix brand) instead of oil or ghee.  

 

Cut back on the extra calories. Most desis indulge on chai several times throughout the day. If you’re like me, it’s most likely a dhood-paati version (where the ratio of water to milk is 1:1) and of course we use whole milk only. (Oh so that’s where all the extra calories are coming from…) Cut back on the fat, already! Whole milk is recommended for CHILDREN! Use low-fat or skim milk. Or be like me, and have green tea with lemon instead of chai, and drink your coffee black without the sugar! 

Chicken tikka anyone? Who doesn’t love spicy grilled chicken? We all do. But why marinade it in yogurt? Why brush it with oil constantly? Marinate your tikka using vinegar and/or lemon juice to cut back on calories. Use cooking spray instead of oil. It will still taste yummy, and have less calories.  
Be daring, try new things! You will be surprised at how yummy Almond Milk tastes with cereal. There are wonderful recipes out there for using cauliflower to make “mashed potatoes”, and even a “pizza crust.” It’s a healthier version with less carbs, fat, and calories. Did you know you can make pancakes using eggs and bananas? Try out new things, you never know what you end up liking!
 

Have a support system! You need a good group of buddies, not just for accountability but someone that can understand you and is facing issues similar to the ones you are. 4 years ago, I met a wonderful group of ladies through the wte (What to expect when you’re expecting) website. I was very passionate about losing weight and the health and fitness forum was a new addition. Needless to say the challenges were amazing, but what was better was the bond we formed. Although I have only met one of the girls in real life, they are the girls I turn to, I can trust, I rely on, and yes, they are truly my BFF’s! They are the first ones I turn to in good times and bad. The girls in my group are all inspirational and they are the ones that keep me on my toes! Love my Savage Girls! I am able to lose the weight because they constantly encourage me and have helped this Desi Girl to be SAVAGE material!